Legend of Alix North

Destiny. I muse over it a lot.

No, I mean a whole lot..., as in, am I pursuing the right path? Am I expressing myself fully? What will I leave behind when I'm gone? It's enough to drive my closest friends nuts. I can't help it; something in my DNA makes me obsessed with where I am going and what I will create next and what it all means.

In Summer of 2003, something happened that raised the volume on the destiny buzz: I met Captain Jack Sparrow. I sat in a darkened theater, watching him make his grand entrance, and the hair raised on my arms.

Oh. My. God. I felt a shock deep inside. Watching Captain Jack was like watching part of myself...I felt that deep recognition that only comes a few times in life, if you are lucky. I leaned over my sister and whispered, "You know, if I hadn't been born a spy, I would have been a pirate. "Well, DUH!" she retorted back.

The experience thrust me into one of those places of creative obsession that artists and writers understand. I watched the movie and over again that year, trying to unravel the mystery. I wrote 20 Lessons Learned from Captain Jack Sparrow as part of this process. I felt both thrilled and embarrassed by the connection I felt to this rogue pirate. Thrilled because I had never seen such an essential part of myself on screen and embarrassed because in no way did my life reflect that essence. Captain Jack felt like me, only exposed to the world. I, on the other hand, was completely in hiding.

Well, mostly in hiding. If you didn't count my décor that already looked like something the pirate dragged in, complete with a huge bowl of pearl necklaces (#19: Pretty, shiny things are meant to be collected - hoarded, even). Or the velvet jackets in my closet and my long, violet hair that glowed in sunlight (#10: Develop your own sense of personal style). And, well...my many elaborate web sites for my creative projects (#5 Cultivate your own legend). Obviously, no one could possibly know what I was all about.

I began to consider what was keeping my true self undercover. I had already left corporate work behind (#13 If playing by the rules could get you annihilated, don't do it) and was working for myself as a business coach and consultant. I was involved in many creative projects. Yet I still holding myself back (avoiding #4: Aim high).

So, I embarked on my journey to consciously free myself of all the ways I was censoring my piratical self. Clearly, I let my critic (my Commodore Norrington) run the show far too often, abandoning inspired projects in favor of the practical and nipping back my ambitions. I needed to internalize some of the more challenging of Captain Jack's lessons, like being prepared to fly by the seat of my pants (#8) and learning how not to apologize for myself (#12). Absolutely all of this is about getting out of my own way so that the thing I prize so much -- that destiny bit -- has a chance to unfold.

AlixNorth.com is part of my "reveal." I have a number of websites dedicated to specific themes and purposes (and more on the way) which I think are very useful. Yet I needed one site where I could write about and display anything, no matter what the topic...where I could discuss my own journey toward that horizon. AlixNorth.com is the place where I give myself that freedom (#1).

This is especially liberating because I've never been someone who can be summed up quickly and easily. There is never "one thing" that I do. I can say, with confidence, that I am a writer, an artist, a designer, and a hard-core geek girl. I know how to do a great many things and one of my passions is passing this information on to others. Laughter and the DIY (do-it-yourself) ethic are core values for me. They work together, too, as you'll see with how many times I crack myself up. Hey, if no one is there to do it for me, I need to be ready to do it myself!

That DIY approach explains why it took so gosh-darn long to get the Ship's Blog up. Most sane people would have opened a Blogger or Typepad account and started writing away. Oh, no, not me. I'm Alix "Custom Girl" North! I must do it myself, from scratch, implementing my own content management system. I had to learn PHP, select and tweak modules, create the design and graphics...you get the idea. It was hard to find the time.

Never having enough time is a frequent theme with me, simply because I can always think up 15 fabulous things to do with a spare half hour. Family and friends have told me that, more than anyone else they know, I always have the most going on. And by that, they mean ideas, projects, schemes, and plans. I have a busy, busy head. I often feel like one of those accelerated aliens on Star Trek (the original series) that move so fast that they seem like an occasional buzzing noise to humans. Only, in one of those ironic twists, I often perceive myself as those same aliens saw humans: as standing still. Nothing I do is ever fast enough for my liking because I always have more planned for afterwards. So, my god, I should have started my blog in 1975, way before the Web even existed, and where the hell was I?!? I really think like that.

I was forced to learn a little about slowing down in March of 2006, though. That's when I was diagnosed with breast cancer--marked with my own black spot, as it were--at age 40. I write a lot about my experience with cancer in this blog, because I started the entries only three months before that. I never wanted my blog to be about cancer treatment, yet I am inspired to write about what is happening around me. For me, treatment has been horrifying and humorous, often in the same moment. The funniest things happen when you have your breast clamped in a vise! I've learned a lot that can help other cancer patients as well as their loved ones, so I pass that along. I'm not a terribly private person; I'll tell you what's going on with my breast if you ask.

That said, cancer is not the focus of my life. My life is about what I love, and I love a great many things! It's about my cats and my partner, creating beautiful things, writing books and articles and essays, drilling holes in walls, reading movies and television episodes like tarot cards, and constantly surrounding myself with things that delight me.

Judging from my past, one could say my life was far from charmed, but I am determined to see it as charmed and make it so (#2). Want to enter the kinder, gentler world of romantic piracy, as seen through my eyes? Then I invite you to read my blog...