All Manner of Home Insanity
I am in such intense nesting mode right now that perhaps I should consider getting a pregnancy test. Well, okay, maybe not; I think we can assume that the laws of procreation have not been superseded of late.
That leaves the Studio Makeover project to blame. If I hadn't innocently begun "putting my art studio in order," things would not have spiraled out of control. I wouldn't have had the cabinets taken down or had this huge room repainted or re-organized the entire garage. We might have had some peace around here.
But I did and now it appears I am not done, because this "need to re-do" everything is only gaining steam. I'm ordering fabric swatches, assessing slipcovers, figuring out what saw blade I need to get to put up shelves in the office, and replacing the weather stripping on the garage door.
Last week, I decided that I needed to revisit my home cleaning routines, because clearly they are insufficient. Or inefficient. Or both. Ever thorough, I addressed the problem by procuring several new books on home management, stocking a cleaning caddy full of Method products, and buying enough microfiber cloths to ensure I never run out. This week, I sprang into action, cleaning and scrubbing things that I don't recall ever cleaning or scrubbing before. Every time Kathy came home from work, I played guess-what-I-did-today while smothering a mischievous smile. I felt so...suburban.
It's a bit embarrassing because this behavior is not the least bit pirate-y. But when you have as many alter egos as I do, you can't expect them all to get along. Though, frankly, the warrior, spy, and pirate have much more in common with each other than with my Inner Homemaker. She's just not threatening enough; it makes it tempting to pretend she's not one of the gang. Yet, somebody has to clean the swords, organize the intel, and scrape the hull free of wood worms. The rest of the alter egos will have to hold back while I get a few things done around here.
I did let my Inner Flamboyant Designer out for a bit, however, as I still needed a solution to the problem of the studio wall color. It continued to vex me, and even Gem Turquoise didn't seem to be the answer. I realized I hadn't let him have full rein, and that might be part of the problem. My designer, cut from the same cloth as an early Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen (or should I say the same leather pants and frill-cuffed shirts?) knew what to do. With Kathy's help, he took me straight to the Ralph Lauren paint counter-where I should have started in the first place-and showed me their delightful new topcoat called Candlelight. Shimmery, opalescent, and warm, this was what I needed all along.
Many cans of paint later, we have a new plan. Three walls will be Bring Me That Horizon Blue. A fourth wall, as well as the door to the Underworld, will be accented in Pirate Map.
It's possible that you may have some difficulty finding these colors in the Ralph Lauren paint swatches, so let me break down the formula for you:
Bring Me That Horizon Blue = Light Sky (from the Island Brights collection) + Candlelight topcoat
Pirate Map = Tea and Sweets (from the Vintage Masters collection) + Candelight topcoat
(It's also possible that these formulae are known only to me.)
You might be understandably misled into thinking that Pirate Map uses Parchment as a base, but no. Ralph Lauren's Parchment is more suited to, oh, a pristine religious manuscript. Pirate maps see the sun a bit more and thus show some aging. Not to mention that next to Light Sky, Parchment is rather green and we want something warm. (The mishap with the current aqua color makes me feel like I live in a swimming pool by nightfall.)
This wonderfully discovery does not come without a cost. As with most Ralph Lauren specialty finishes, this one will take approximately several hundred years to apply. I used their Regent Metallic paint for my bedroom and application took three hundred-okay, maybe just three-days. I primed the walls with a deep-tinted primer (tinting the primer is a secret of success for metallics) and then applied two coats of metallic paint using the most anal-retentive paint application ever. I mean it; only crazy people need apply it. You have to use their special stringy rollers and work in 20-inch sections, cutting in only in the part you work on. You must apply the paint using specific strokes, too - first a W and then finishing with single full-length downward strokes.
It all seems utterly ridiculous, unless you are familiar with how mica particles create metallic effects when they are aligned. They didn't say so, but I'm pretty sure that's what they are making you do - achieve coverage and then align the particles. Whether that's true or not, I did exactly what they said and the result was gorgeous. Score one for Ralph Lauren and the obsessive-compulsive freaks they employ. (Um, and the OCD freaks who buy their paint, like me!)
For the studio, which is a huge room full of twists and turns and openings, I will need two coats of the new base colors, followed by a topcoat that must be applied in nine-inch columns. Really. Nine inches at a time! I may need a straight jacket by the time I'm done, so that Inner Flamboyant Designer of mine better come to the fore when it's time to open the paint cans. And he better be in a DIY mood.
I'm willing to put myself through this because I am 100% certain it will look lovely and thrill me every time I look at the walls, and that's worth some inconvenience. I just hope my shoulder holds out, because the reason I hired painters in the first place (definitely an extravagance) was because of my imaginary shoulder injury. My shot of cortisone in June was accompanied by a warning that I am being cut off for any more; next I have to get an MRI. But even under that threat, do you think I'm going to let anyone else apply magic paint to my walls? No way. I know that only I am stark raving mad enough to do that properly!
My hope is that once my Inner Homemaker and Inner Flamboyant Designer are done with this latest flurry of activity, my Pirate (the captain of my creative self) is really going to enjoy the place. In the meantime, he can drink a few bottles of rum in the back of my head. I'm breaking out the blue tape and paint rollers while I set the At World's End soundtrack on repeat. We're ready to roll!
P.S. Um...I don't suppose anyone needs a gallon of Gem Turquoise?
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