Born to Spy…or Pillage…or Redecorate
I have a rich fantasy life; it really doesn't take much to get my imagination going. I like to make up my own stories about how things really are around me, and often those stories are far more interesting than the truth. The one thing separating me from the people in strait jackets, I suppose, is that I know my stories aren't true...but they entertain me, so I keep thinking them up.
In some cases, the stories in my head have the power to transform tedious or unnerving situations into exciting adventures. This is can be very useful, as it gives me what seems like endless patience, when really people are just playing into the devious schemes created by my mind. Oh, sure, it looks like I am paying a deposit to the sales tax governing board, but in actuality, I am paying a bribe to a Naval Officer so that I can continue to pillage on the high seas! Yeah, it appears that I am getting a boring and routine MRI, but it is really an attempt to scan me for secrets, and if I don't stay absolutely still, I will blow my cover as a super-spy!
My alter egos - and I have several very specific ones, as you can guess - do more than just help me tolerate the annoyances of daily life. They give me confidence, focus, and direction. Oddly enough, they reveal exactly what it is I value most, without my analytical brain stepping in to censor it. I have come to understand that they are much more than distractions. They are messages from my core self, guiding me along my path through the spirit of play.
I came to a deeper understanding of the importance of alter
egos several years ago. I was working on several creative projects with
espionage as the central theme, which wasn't terribly surprising, as I had
always loved Hollywood style spies. But then I went to see the latest James
Bond film of the time, Die Another Day. For some reason, the film
affected me deeply - not because of the story line, but because I felt such a
connection to the character. I realized that I really wanted to drive fast and
shoot bad people and rappel down the sides of buildings and kiss the ladies.
So, what's the big deal about that? I mean, doesn't everyone secretly want to do that? Well, not everyone does, but the point was that I realized I really resonated with that, and it didn't at all fit my idea of the responsible adult I knew myself to be. I found myself looking around my life and wondering where the danger was. I became restless.
After the initial weirdness wore off, I realized that I was in a crisis of ego - or, a crisis of alter ego, if you will. I wasn't crazy or silly. It was just that my psyche had been trying to tell me something very important and I hadn't been listening. It decided to speak to me in language even a five-year old could understand: what cool thing did I want to be when I grew up? It knew all the answers were hidden there.
I started to unravel the spy alter ego, as it existed within me. I started to understand that traits that I had labeled as quirky and inconsequential (or worse, something to fix) were, instead, essential. My detail-oriented, research-driven, fast-thinking, and action-oriented ways are critical to how I move about in the world. Spy Alix understood that. Apparently she also thought that my life had become mundane and featureless, and so she stepped in, alerting me to the issue.
And so, I changed some things around in my life. I re-branded my business to give it a spy theme, with a slick black, silver, and red website. I taught the same business classes and wrote about the same ideas that I already had in the pipeline, only cast within a spy metaphor. I leveraged my spy girl strengths deliberately and found I became more productive and passionate about what I did.
Thank the gods, too, because I was worrying that I'd have to go out and shoot people.
Everything was going along fine, when Captain Jack Sparrow activated my pirate alter ego. I thought the spy experience had been intense. I had no idea.
Like the spy, the pirate loved the risk-taking life of the
rogue, but whereas the spy payed lipservice to rules and regulations, the
pirate did nothing of the sort. The pirate was all about freedom and breaking
the rules. So was I, only...I was really trying hard to get over that. I made the
compromises I thought I needed to make and reined myself in. The pirate
demonstrated that this was exactly the wrong approach. To get what I wanted
most in life -- a state of authentic self-expression and creativity - I needed
to set myself free.
And so, I embarked on a journey with my pirate self, continuing what the spy had started. Other alter egos have joined the party along the way, each with messages. As each alter ego steps forward (and they tend to rotate, with the pirate at the helm) my creativity surges anew and I am again inspired.
My exploration of alter egos has led to a deepening of understanding and an acceptance of self that previously I could not achieve. I realize now that for many of us, imaginative play is an essential way in which we learn and grow, one which cuts through a lot of our critical "grown-up" filters. It can show us what our soul finds to be most true. It can unlock both our dreams and our abilities to make those dreams real.
I plan to write more about alter egos in the future, but for now, I urge you to listen to places in your life where you have an alter ego that is calling for attention. What crazy fantasy self have you been denying? If this alter ego could give you a message, what might it be? In what little ways can you bring your alter ego into your life? I'd love to hear what you discover.
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