I Can Do Anything

August 8th, 2006

I always imagined that those people raised with the idea that they could do anything must feel powerful. You know, like they stand at the edge of a cliff with their fists at their hips, cape fluttering and flapping in the breeze as they their voice booms out, "I can do ANYTHING...Anything...anything..." Like that.

What I've discovered is that you can make the transition into believing you can do anything without having been raised with the idea. The reality of the feeling, though, is much more gentle than I expected. It's more like sitting on the edge of a chair, sipping from a cup of coffee, then looking out into the garden while you nod to yourself. "Yeah. I think I can probably do anything." Like that.

I suppose that for me, many things have led to this realization, such as going through extended self-defense training, surviving a divorce, losing those I loved, and making brave decisions about home and career. However, what put me over the edge was this cancer treatment.

Doing something really scary - like chemotherapy - made me see how it works. You just keep taking a step forward, everyday, and you get through whatever you need to get through. You let it happen in its own time. You don't figure it out in advance; it unfolds in the moment, along with your response.

In the past, when thing weren't going well in my life and people asked how I was doing, I would always finish telling them by adding, "Well, but at least I'm not under gunfire!" Because, you know, being shot at would be REALLY bad. Everyone knows that. However, now I think...hmmm, last thing I want is to be under gunfire, but if it happened, I think I could handle it. I bet I'd figure out what to do next. Or I wouldn't, and then I wouldn't have anything to worry about anymore.

See? Not exactly how I expected that confidence and composure would look, but here I am. I can do anything. And for right now, I'm going to use all that resourcefulness and ability to take a nap.

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