Lies We Are Told: What Labels Linger On?
Starting in childhood, we are given labels to describe who we are, both to others and to ourselves. Some of these labels sound positive, like when we are told we are smart, friendly, or energetic. Others are clearly not-so-nice labels, such as difficult, reckless, or hypersensitive. Still others seem like they'd be good except that they are said with an edge, like the way some people say ambitious, clever, or artsy. Makes you not want to be any of those!
Recently, I've been examining the labels I was given from childhood. Being told I was smart or gentle validated my natural attributes and made me want to continue expressing myself that way. But being labeled with other words made me feel shut down or inferior to others, such as when I was told I was fragile.
I suppose there is a reason I got hit with that label. I was a pale, scrawny child who was typically smaller than the rest of my class. (Obviously, this was before I became tall and full-figured in high school.) I was often sick and the few times I did anything remotely athletic, I'd sprain my ankle. In contrast to other kids, I suppose I did not seem strong at all.
But what happens with these labels is that they get smacked onto our chests like adhesive badges and magically they seem to hang on over the long haul. Even when others forget they ever called us "flighty" or "aloof", the labels still linger on in our psyches. We've known that's what we are for so long that we don't even consider taking a second look.
I remember the first time I explained to Kathy, in an off-hand way, "Well, you know I'm fragile." She looked at me with a confused expression. The next time I said that, she pointed out that I was crazy. And most recently, when I told her that I had spoken to my father and he mentioned that I was fragile, she got one of those "That's it, I'm losing it!" looks.
"What part of you is fragile?" she asked. "Where are you fragile? You have gone through surgery and chemo and radiation without shedding a tear! You have been sick with real side effects for weeks - that's not about being fragile. That's about how chemo sucks!"
Come to think of it, she's right. I'm not fragile at all! Why on earth did I keep believing I was? Because someone said so?
As you read this, I bet you're thinking about the labels that were smacked onto your chest when you were just a little one. I invite you to take a second look at them.
Which ones really have nothing to do with who you are? Write it down on a piece of paper or-better yet-an actual adhesive label. Then, make a list of all the things about your life that contradict that label.
Next, tear that label into little tiny pieces and throw it away. Or get all Pagan-y and burn it up over the sink. Let's be done with the crazy things other people say about us. We are more than they can imagine!
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