Martinis and Style

Perfect Dry Martinis, Every Time

Martini drinkers are a funny lot - we tend to be very specific about how we want our cocktail prepared. I don't know anyone who orders "a martini" and takes whatever they get. We have instructions.

My instructions go like this: Ketel One, extra dry with a twist.

For non-drinkers: Ketel One is a premium Dutch vodka, meaning...I'm a picky, picky girl. Dryness is a measurement of how little vermouth is added; I'm drinking something close to straight vodka. 'A twist' refers a twist of lemon, instead of a nasty olive. Martinis are much better with lemon.

For a long time I would begin making my own martinis by pouring a bit of vermouth into the glass, swirling it around the sides, then splashing it into the sink. That gave me a nice, extra dry martini. But while the gesture was fun and dramatic, it seemed like overkill. I wasted a lot of vermouth.

Then I learned about the Martini Mister. It's an atomizer that you fill with vermouth. You just spray it in the glass and you're set for a perfect dry martini. It doesn't get easier and the spray gesture is still a bit glam. Plus, you can put a little behind each ear while you're at it.

I hunted for a Martini Mister for a year or so. I never did find one, so when I was standing in line at the Container Store one day and saw an inexpensive purse atomizer hanging on the "Wait! Buy me too!" rack, I thought I'd try a DIY solution. It cost 1/3 the price of a Martini Mister and came with its own tiny funnel, making it easy to fill with the vermouth of my choice.

My cheap atomizer ended up working wonderfully and, except for 11 months during cancer treatment, I've been enjoying easy dry martinis ever since. Such a wonderful budget solution!

But wait, we can do better in the bargain arena. Last weekend, at Target, I found very similar purse atomizers in their $1 Spot. (I suppose it's no longer called the $1 Spot now that they have $2.50 items there, too, but Target shoppers know the area I'm talking about.) Just think, you too can get a vermouth mister for only a buck! I'd shop quickly, because they rotate the stock in the $1 bins and they might not be there next month.

I picked up an atomizer to keep as a backup, which makes me wonder just what I think could go wrong with the current vermouth mister that would require an immediate replacement. Protective martini instinct, I suppose.

Kathy said, well, you could keep one as a travel mister. Unfortunately, that reminded me of a story I read online, several years ago, about a guy who was busted by the police for using a vermouth mister at a bar. He was a customer, not a bartender. Apparently they thought he was spraying a drug into someone's drink! Soooo...perhaps I'll just use mine at home.

I am prepared to believe that a dry martini slightly impairs the palate, but think what it does for the soul. - Alec Waugh

Make Mine Squeaky Clean

When ordering a martini, if you say "make it dirty" that means include some brine from the olives. Sounds nasty to me, but then, I'm not an olive girl.

However, I am a lemon girl. Lemons have such a wonderful, sweet, clean scent...which, of course, is why the fragrance is used so much in cleaning products. I happen to like a bit of lemon juice squeezed into my martini, in addition to the twist.

So, then, isn't it obvious how one should order this? "Make it squeaky clean!" Hee! Come on, don't you think that's perfect?

A dream of mine is to go to New York City and go to all the fancy martini bars, telling them I want my martini squeaky clean. When they ask what the hell I'm talking about, I will look affronted and say, "Well, I'm sorry you've never heard of it, but it's what everyone is ordering in San Francisco!" They would no doubt act like I'm some crazy west coaster and ignore me. Yet give it three months and you'd find someone in the Midwest, at some dive bar, ordering their martini squeaky clean. Thanks to me.

Big dreams, big dreams.

"I love to drink Martinis
Two at the very most
Three I'm under the table
Four I'm under the host"

- Dorothy Parker

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