The Princess and the (Duck and) Pea
If you've ever tried to get a cat to eat a prescription diet or take medicine, then you can probably guess at the fun I've been having for the past month and a half with Lola.
Lovely Lady Lola has been to the vet more than her share of times lately. She's had to go in every two weeks for blood counts and weigh-ins while we try to get an inflammatory bowel condition under control. Toward that end, she has been put on a duck and pea dry food diet (because she appeared to be allergic to regular food) and a variety of medicines and powders.
My friends, just a gosh-darn hysterical bunch of folks, responded predictably when I told them about her food. "Duck and pee?" they'd giggle. "Is that an instruction?" You guys are hilarious.
Lola was trying to cooperate. It took her a bit of coaxing (and me removing from my mind all thoughts about how much I hate peas) to get her to try the food. She wasn't happy with the prednisone and the antibiotics, but I guess she reckoned that the food was the best of the three. Besides, I told her that it was handmade for her by elves in Puerto Rico.
A few weeks after she adjusted to the food, though, her doctor suggested that we give her probiotics to help her intestinal flora. She gave me packets of cat-formulated probiotic powder to sprinkle daily on Lola's food. Ever try to sneak something like that past a cat? Yeah.
So, I did what any mom would do. I sat her down and told her about Princess Powder. I explained that it was a very expensive powder designed exclusively for princesses, but that most moms were too cheap to buy it for their girls. I, however, knew Lola deserved it. The whole time I talked, she watched me with pretty Princess Lola eyes, hanging on my words. I sprayed her food with a mist of water so that the powder would adhere, sprinkled it on, and then put it down for her. She was hesitant at first but I kept whispering, "Princess powder. For princesses! Your sister doesn't get any." Soon she was eating.
The other day, I put a fresh bowl of food down and Lola sat tall in front of it. She looked at me with pretty Princess Lola eyes, then looked down at the food, and then looked up at me. She opened her mouth slightly in that, "I can't eat this, mom" gesture. I said it was fresh, go on, but still she would not eat. She thrust her chest out a little and stretched herself taller. "Moooooommmmm!" she seemed to say.
That's when I realized it. I forgot the princess powder! I took the bowl into the kitchen, misted and powdered it, and returned it to the tray in front of her. She ate.
The next day, I ran out of her food and asked Kathy to pick up a new bag at the vet. I didn't have the old bag to refer to because I pour the food into a container after buying it, so I just told her it was the duck and pea diet. Maybe Hills or something. I mean, how many duck and pea hypoallergenic diets are there?
Apparently, at least two. When I poured the new food into her bowl, I was overwhelmed with the smell of green peas (that's like nerve gas to me!) and had to stop myself from staggering back. UGH! "Mind like water, mind like water!" I chanted to myself. I didn't want Lola to pick up on my revulsion.
It was too late. She walked over to her food, looked down at it, then sat up straight and tall. Her mouth opened. "Mom, I can't eat that. That's not my food."
I sighed. I put princess powder on it. No go. The vet was closed for two days and Lola wouldn't eat. But first thing Monday morning, I was there, buying the right duck and pea diet this time (Royal Canin). Within hours, Lola was finishing her plate.
Don't tell me they don't know. They do.
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