Stop it, you're KILLING meeee!

The other day, I was talking to a vet about how I'm having trouble giving Tilly her medicine. I have to wash her chin with antibacterial soap and then apply some refrigerated medicine with my fingertip. The vet said, "She runs and hides when you go to get her?"

Oh, if only that were it! Unfortunately, Tilly is wise to my ways long before I reach out to pick her up. In fact, she will run under the bed if I do any of the following:

• Get my clothes out of the dresser (in preparation to shower)
• Turn on the bathroom light
• Open the refrigerator door
• Make eye contact with her while walking anywhere near the bathroom
• Think about giving her medicine

Try to get something past a cat who thinks like that! But I must get the medicine on her, so I've resorted to trickery.

This morning, Tilly darted under the bed when I accidentally glanced toward the bathroom. Sigh. To get her attention, I threw a new toy so that it rolled out of the bedroom and into the studio. Lucky me, she ran out from under the bed to follow it and I shut the door behind her. Realizing she had been tricked, she began running and hiding. First, she tried hiding under the fainting couch, scooching over to stay far enough away from my arms no matter which side I approached from. Then, she ran around the island, ducking this way and that.

Finally, she jumped on top of a roller cart that is tucked under the counter overhang of the island (with about 8 inches clearance). This is one of her favorite spots for napping and pouting. Her body posture made it clear that she was calling "safe." Only it wasn't safe. I pulled her out and she yelled with betrayal, all the way to the bathroom.

Now, Tilly has a very distinctive yell. It's not like a classic cat caterwaul. No, it's more like the "red alert" or "abandon ship" siren from a SciFi show. It startles the heck out of Dash and Skee upstairs. She can manage some surprising volume and she absolutely will not let up until you do. The neighbors must think I torture her. She would say, "That's because you do!"

So, she yelled for red alert while I carried her, squirming and clawing, into the tiny bathroom. I drew the pocket door closed and sat down. She flipped back and forth, reach for whatever patch of skin she could grab with her claws, yelling nonstop. Somehow, she sprung free. Without a second's thought, she leapt into the covered litter box to hide.

"That's no fair!" I shouted. She looked out at me sullenly. Lola cried desperately from the other side of the door. I swear I heard her say, "Hang on Tilly, I'm going to save you!"

That gave me an idea, so I started to open the door slightly. Tilly jumped out of the litter box to make a break for the exit, when I grabbed her and closed the door again. Her yells, now angrier, got even louder. She arched her back and struggled as I tried to get her into position.

The way this was going, I realized I wasn't going to be able to wash her chin, so I decided to settle for just putting on the medicine. I tilted her body back and she glared at me.

"Don't glare at me, young lady," I said. "You cheated!"

Her angry eyes flashed back, "No, YOU DID! I was SAFE!"

I said, "Okay, okay, we both cheated!"

Yelling, I'm sure she insisted, "No, ONLY YOU! You're the cheater!"

I glanced at the pocket door and saw Lola's paw sidle through the crack, about 18 inches up, claws extended. She was going to break Tilly out! Lola rallies to save her sister!

I called out, "It's okay, Lola, she's fine!" Tilly shouted a tabby obscenity and then used my moment of distraction to get away and jump back into the litter box. I scowled at her. She scowled back. I dragged her out as she screamed, "YOU'RE KILLING MEEEEE!"

Holding her as still as I could, I dabbed medicine on my finger, then onto her chin. "I'm almost dead and it's your fault!" I swear I heard her say.

Finally, I let her go and opened the door. A worried Lola greeted her, ready to check her sister for injuries, but Tilly just ran past her angrily.

Sigh. So I'm supposed to put this stuff on twice a day, eh? No problem.

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