Technological Crankmeister

June 1st, 2007

Given my ease with all things high-tech, it might be surprising to learn that I can be strongly resistant to advances in household technology designed to save time in daily life.

This first became evident back in the dark ages when speed dial came out. Initially, I resisted it because it was a phone service feature that you had to pay for and I was cheap. But later, when it became integrated into the physical phones, I resisted it for another reason. I was sure that if all I had to do was press a single button to call friends and family, I would forget all of their phone numbers.

You know what would happen next. The earth would be attacked by vicious aliens, starting in the San Francisco Bay Area first. I'd be one of the sole survivors, limping down the road with a small bag of hand tools (because I think I'd want hand tools, though I am not sure why) and a smashed PDA that held all my phone numbers. Making it to the nearest landline, I'd prepare to call my friends to warn them of the attack so they could flee to safety, and then I'd realize that I no longer knew their phone numbers. None of them. And why? Speed dial.

So, yeah, that's why I didn't have speed dial for 10 years. For the sake of my loved ones!

It was a similar thing with battery-operated toothbrushes. Well, I knew I wouldn't be playing loosey-goose with the lives of my friends by operating an electric toothbrush, but I would risk having basic self-care skills atrophy. I didn't know how it would begin, but I knew how it would end: with me on a deserted island looking quizzically at a manual toothbrush, unsure of how to use it to retain my dental health.

A few years ago, with the help of professionals, I worked through this. Now I regularly enjoy the thrill of power-buzzing my teeth to cleanliness. I mean, how silly can I be? That I'd forget how to brush my teeth?

The other day, my toothbrush died and I had to buy a new one. In a hurry, I grabbed the first one I saw at the drugstore and took it home. That night, I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, my face scrunched into a frown as I pressed the on the middle of the toothbrush repeatedly and nothing happened. It took me a full minute to realize that I had mistakenly picked up a soft-grip manual toothbrush and this thing was never going to "turn on."

And then I knew: the decline of civilization had begun, just as I suspected. Only by that point, I was corrupt and could only scribble on my to-do list for the next day: buy battery-powered toothbrush!!

Just so you know: there is no hope for us all.

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On June 5th, 2007 Miss Lynne (not verified) says:

Quite some years back my kids and I were watching a television show and the batteries to our "clicker" (the remote) were getting tired out. My boys were annoyed that the clicker didn't work like it should.

So, I shared with them how hard it was when I grew up (the proverbial...walking in the snow, barefoot for 5 miles to get to school!)...and I said:
"Well, when I was a kid we had to get up to change the chanel!"

My kids were horrified!
"No way!" they said
"Way!" I said

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