Welcome to Use Lighted Pad

August 14th, 2007

Kathy's company likes to give out corporate swag after big meetings. You know, weird toys, plaques, t-shirts, and electronic devices with the company logo on 'em.

Yesterday, she said she just received one that I absolutely had to see - not for the item itself, but the instructions inside. She came home with a hard mousepad that lit up around the edges when you plugged it into a USB port. The instructions, no doubt translated into English with the aid of a dictionary or computer program, were priceless (and all spelling is correct):

 

A piece of paper with badly laid out instructions -- a transcription follows below

Operation instructions

Welcome to use lighted magic pad, pls kindly read this manual so that you can learn and use this product correctly.

USB overspeed 1.1 product

Major characteristic:

1. Multi-functional computer device with 4 USB ports design

2. Blue back light design.

3. Strong preventing shake foam

4. Stable and multi-function +5V power supply.

5. Compatible USB data connection or USB port supply power device.

6. Removable USB power wire

7. Compatible WIN/98/ME/2000/XP and upgrade version opearting

User manual

Attention:

1. The computer accesorries device suits the working current is under 500MA, if over the working current range, the USB device function will be decreased or can't work stabely.

2. This device should be used at stable working platform and moving wirking platform, please note USB connection is well.

3. Please be carefully to take and put when you use or move it, avoid acute shake.

4. This device use PC high euphotic original material making, if you can't use it correctly, it will decrease the blue light effective.

Special note:

Connect the USB power cord plug into the left USB hub with front of mouse pad facing you. Do not plug into the other four USB hubs to the right because you will not be able to use other USB items if not connected correctly.

Definitely an educational piece. Here are the new terms I've learned from this technical writing gem:

Lighted magic pad: a pad that appears to light up in addition to exhibiting an undefined supernatural quality.

Accesorries: what you are left with after a drunken binge in Nordstrom's handbag department.

Euphotic: a word that's just not as funny when you look it up and find out they didn't misspell euphoric. (Though I am still pondering high euphoric original material making; definitely my preferred alternative.)

I tell ya, I can't help but be inspired by this kind of writing. I'm going to start now on the design of my new line of T-Shirts, coffee mugs, and ball caps, all featuring the new rallying slogan:

Decrease the blue light effective!

We will take over THE WORD. Join me.

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On August 16th, 2007 Miss Lynne (not verified) says:

Uh....I don't know how to talk to you right now. I gotta go!

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