Witty Ways to Defeat Your Inner Commodore

"You never work hard enough; if you don't apply yourself more, you won't get anywhere." "You should have done that the other way. Now this looks shoddy, see?" "Why on earth did you use blue for that? Blue will never work."

Who is this voice? A critical parent or a harsh teacher? No, it's the voice in my head that plays too much of the time...and perhaps, the voice that sometimes plays in your head, too. You know the one, the voice that is never happy with what you do, the one that says you are too this or too that, suggesting that all your problems come from not listening to him or her. Some call this voice your Inner Critic. I, however, know it best as my Inner Commodore.

You know, the Commodore -- as in Commodore Norrington from Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl. For those of you who find Captain Jack Sparrow to be the perfect embodiment of your free-spirited, creative self, you may find, like me, that Commodore Norrington makes the perfect counterpoint.

The two characters are the most diametrically opposed in the first film, possessing completely different goals and stylistic approaches. Where Jack is intuitive and imaginative, Norrington is methodical and disciplined. Where Jack continually looks to possibilities, Norrington sees only current reality and its predicted progression. Both are excellent at what they do, but because they are so different, they have no use (and little appreciation) for each other. Norrington makes this clear in his critical comments to Jack, such as when he says, "You are without a doubt the worst pirate I have ever heard of!" Is Jack the worst pirate? I'd say no, not at all, but by Norrington's standards, he is.

Which brings me to the point that Norrington is not an authority I'd to turn to when trying to evaluate a pirate like Captain Jack Sparrow. His values and standards are so different from Captain Jack's that any conclusions he would draw would probably be irrelevant. Who cares what a naval commander thinks of a pirate? That's silly!

And yet...you know where I am going with this...when we hear the voice of the Commodore in our heads, evaluating our true pirate selves, far too often we actually listen. When we hear him spit out, "I don't see your gallery showing - artist!" we start questioning our identity as an artist. When he recoils at our choice of wardrobe, we go change our clothes. We start treating his voice as though it is the Voice of Truth, when in fact it is not. It is an Opinion, and not a very useful one at that.

I've found that the first step in dealing with the Inner Commodore, then, is to recognize whom it is that is speaking. It's easy to get lulled into thinking that all the voices in your head are aspects of your true self. They're not. Your true self usually doesn't make you feel like crap, so that's a tip off. Your true self helps you express yourself in the fullest way possible. Sometimes that involves an internal dialogue about how to improve something. It never, however, involves a scolding that shuts down your essential desires.

Okay, so that helps you identify the voice of the Commodore and give you a little distance to work with...but how do you shut him up? Here is where you employ the skills of Captain Jack - think like Jack!

1. Assert your identity

If you listen to the Commodore, one might think you were a nothing, a nobody, someone to buff the brass buckle on his shoes to a shine. With that well-crafted sword at his side, he'll imply he has everything he needs to cut you down to size.

But don't believe him. He knows nothing about you, and you need to remind him of fact. Tell him who you are, just as Jack Sparrow asserted his title of Captain to Commodore Norrington. Oh, he'll argue with your assertion, just as when Norrington said, "I don't see your ship - Captain." And you'll say something to the effect of, "I'm in the market, as it were." Simple and done.

Will the Commodore be impressed by this? Maybe not, but stating your identity is actually not for his benefit. It's for your own. When he's barking orders in your ear, what you need most is to remember who you are, and by extension, what you value. It reminds you that the two of you have very different motives.

So, strap on your personal effects. Put on the music that connects you with your free-spirited self. Get out your compass and see where it points. Side-step the Commodore and step back into the space you know as your own. What could he possibly know of you, anyway?

2. Escape

After Captain Jack rescued Elizabeth in the first film, Norrington's men shackled him and there was little he could do to talk his way out. So what did he do next? The only thing left: he made a break for it...right in front of the Commodore.

Frankly, when your critic traps you in a corner (they have ways of doing that) that's sometimes your best option. Turn tail and run! A change of activity or a change of scenery functions well as an escape. If you are making art or writing a piece and the critical argument is about your work, stop and go watch a movie for a while. If you've been cooped up with this voice all day, get out and go for a walk or a drive. Crazy as it sounds, radical change will usually shake the Commodore loose.

3. Distract his attention

In Curse of the Black Pearl, when Captain Jack appears to be stealing The Dauntless, he's really making a brilliant move to distract Norrington so that he can steal The Interceptor. He never wanted The Dauntless, anyway...he just wanted Norrington to do the work of preparing The Interceptor to sail for him.

Distraction works well with the Commodore because, when it comes to critiquing you, he's got an opinion about everything. Personally, I use this to my advantage when he starts taking apart an art piece that I'm developing. I'll ponder, "Well, what about the one I was working on yesterday? Are the colors right on that one? Should I have used more texture, maybe? Does it even look right?" I let that be the dialogue, all while I'm slapping paint and images down on what I really care about.

An even better technique is to shift the focus to something that really has nothing to do with you, but that invites a critical approach. So, instead of evaluating what you are creating or doing, evaluate the tools you use. With painting, I might start it off with, "Is this even a good product? If I were to compare these two gessos, which would be better? Hmmm, I'm pretty sure that this one is no good..." It's amazing how much I can get done while that conversation continues!

4. Lie outright

There is no honor when dealing with an inner critic; you get no points for fair play. So, feel free to lie your weasely black guts out.

Jack's lies to Norrington tend to be sins of omission, such as when he promised to go into the caves at Isla de Muerta and send out Barbossa's men for Norrington to ambush. He neglects to mention that they are undead and even has Norrington order Elizabeth to be locked up so that she can't warn him.

Your lies can simply be promises that, well, just never quite pan out. As long as it shuts him up, I advocate making promises to him left and right. Sure, once you finish this first draft, then you'll revise it his way. Of course, starting tomorrow you'll become a responsible person and start dressing respectably. He's right, you are SO going to clean up your act for sure this time, just as he says.

Only...a wee bit later, mate.

5. Gloat over your success

When faced with the Commodore's foolish nonsense of how you should be leading your life, it's only fair for you to take some time to revel in all the successes you've had without following his advice. Success that came from doing the exact opposite of what he suggests, or successes you've gained at his expense.

Captain Jack wasn't above pouring salt in Norrington's wounds as he made off with The Interceptor. "Thank you, Commodore, for getting us ready to make way!" he called out. "We'd have had a hard time of it without your help!"

It may feel a bit childish to talk back to your critic in this way, but it can be very useful in breaking the hold this negative voice has on you. Getting into the habit of refuting the Commodore's predictions of your downfall with stories of triumph underscores to your conscious mind that your instincts are right...and not so much this silly man in the white wig.

6. Take an crazy risk

When threatened, sometimes the best action is not to respond to the threat, but instead to take an outrageous risk.

You may recall that in the first Pirates movie, Jack's failed attempt to escape the gallows left him faced with a dozen or more bayonet points and the stern face of the Commodore. When he spots Cotton's parrot, he assumes that the Black Pearl must be near. He takes the risk of falling over the parapet, even though he cannot be positive that he will survive the drop or that the crew of the Pearl actually wants to rescue him. (After all, they are pirates.) It's lucky for him that his risk pans out and he not only escapes, but also is reunited with his precious Pearl.

When it comes to dealing with your own Inner Commodore, you may find that the strategy of taking an outrageous risk is sometimes exactly what is required to free yourself of the Commodore, and serve your true self. I've found that sometimes our critic looms the largest when something big is at stake, such as when we are on the verge of a breakthrough or have an opportunity in our midst. At times like these, trickery and diversion unimportant. Instead, to paraphrase Eleanor Roosevelt, we must do the thing we think we cannot do. Take the leap-or fall, as it may be-and see what happens next. You're likely to not only stun him into silence, but bring yourself toward a new horizon, as well.

As my friend Christine says, "You can be pretty sure that when the Commodore is all over your butt, there is big treasure at hand." And, as we know, not all treasure is silver and gold, mate. Moments of risk can turn into moments of glory, as we step up to the wheel and chart the course of our destiny.

Is it possible to defeat your Inner Commodore once and for all? I don't know the answer to that - I'm still working on it. I do know that as you become more savvy with responding to his tactics, you can discourage him more and more. Just getting wise to his ways gives you the advantage. And certainly, even when he has an argument for every choice you make, you can still thwart his plans and make your break freedom.

After all...you're a pirate. And don't you forget it.

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